Previously, on Dancing with the Stars: 16 solo dances, 4 relay dances, at least one near-fistfight at the judge’s table, and two book-length recaps. It’s been a busy week. Ready for a double elimination? And hey, does it seem weird that Julianne isn’t on this season? I know she said she was taking a break, but the show feels strange without her. (I actually didn't miss her until you brought it up.  And I like her!--Myndi)

To start, Tom asks Len to introduce the encore performance. I don’t think there’s any real doubt as to who it’s going to be… Sure enough, Len introduces Kelly Osbourne and Louis reprising their Viennese Waltz. Myndi wrote at length about it last night, but I can’t believe this was a first week dance. It’s so accomplished and emotional, and I absolutely love watching it.

Tom and Samantha recap last night’s performances for us. I liked Melissa and Mark making fun of Bruno’s creepy laugh, and it’s always fun to watch Bruno and Len fight. It’s usually later in the season before they’re completely sick of each other, though. I want to make some joke about Macy Gray being nuts, but I think I’ll pace myself.

Hey, it’s time to save two of the male stars. First ones safe are Louie and Chelsie, who I really didn’t like. Second are Aaron Carter and Karina, which will make my sister happy. Before kicking it to commercial, Samantha tells us that they’ll be premiering a Miley Cyrus video, and I’m sure you can imagine how exciting that is for me. Also, Sean Kingston’s going to perform, and they cut to him dancing awkwardly for the camera. He’s either really nervous or he hates this show. I’m not sure what’s going on there.

They’re doing the “Design a Dance” again this year, and we have apparently already chosen the Paso Doble, which is one of my favorites. I approve. According to the website, one of the choices is “You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)”, which has my vote just for the sheer oddness of it. That’s a Paso song? Really?

OK, time for the Sean Kingston performance. I’m not really familiar with him, but his backup dancers are dressed like they’re on Kids Incorporated, he’s wearing a one-piece shirt that simulates the look of a sweater vest, and there is auto-tune. The song seems to be about a woman who’s disappointed in him, and I assume that disappointment is largely due to his shirt and the auto-tune. (This is a valid assessment.--Myndi)

Now they have a filler piece on “The Loser Club”, where all the first-eliminated stars hang out. Kenny Mayne, Jeff Ross, and Penn Jillette talk about how exclusive their club is. It’s pretty funny, especially when Kenny says he was “told to leave”, and goes on at length about his dislike for Bruno. Too bad Trista Sutter has no sense of humor about herself at all, because an appearance by the Original Loser would be pretty great. Oh, we see a shot of Kenny being heckled on the street. Hee.

With that said, it’s time to reveal three more couples who are safe. Mark Dacascos and Lacey are safe. Yay, Sensei Ping! Chuck Liddel and Anna are safe. Yay, Anna! Finally, Donny Osmond and Kym are safe. That leaves us with Tom DeLay, Ashley Hamilton, and Michael Irvin twisting in the wind.

Tom points out ABC stars in the audience – it’s Kelsey Grammar and Patricia Heaton, plugging their upcoming premieres. You know, after those two starred together in Back to You and it failed spectacularly, maybe ABC should thing twice about promoting them as a pair. (Patricia should also lay off the collagen.--Myndi) There’s also the ridiculously attractive Sofia Vergara, who’s starring in tonight’s Modern Family. Sadly, costar Ed O’Neill is not in attendance.

Backstage, Samantha talks to Louie, Chuck, and their respective partners. Louie’s hair is still bugging me. Anna looks to the camera and mouths “Thank you”. No prob, Anna! I got your back.

Back to the Red Lights of Doom. Edyta and Cheryl both look like they’re trying not to throw up, and it turns out Tom and Cheryl are safe. I am happy for Cheryl, at least. And our eliminees are none other than Ashley and Edyta. Awwww. I’m not sure that I like Edyta leaving at the beginning. Also, Ashley Hamilton survived as many weeks on Dancing with the Stars as he did on Oz. One. Just watch out for Chuckie Pancamo backstage, buddy!

And now it’s time to premiere Miley Cyrus’ new video, “Party in the USA”. No kidding, for just a second I actually thought this was going to be a Jonathan Richman cover. It turns out, it is not. It hits the three basic Miley Cyrus points – reminding you that she is famous, implying pole dancing, and the American Flag. That is one minute of my life I’ll never get back. (Try being stuck with it as your six-year-old's "jam".--Myndi)

Hey, Courtney Cox is in the audience! If only she had a project to promote… What’s that, Cougar Town, airing at 9:30? What a coincidence!

And now it’s time to rescue a few of the ladies from elimination. Natalie Coughlin and Alec are safe, as are Mya and Dimitry. Looks like Len and Bruno will have something to fight about next week!

In more filler, Adam Carolla addresses the men before the Monday performance shows. Adam complains about how long it’s been since a man has won, and gives the decent line “Last time a man won, Len was in the Army, Carrie Ann was in diapers, and Bruno was in the closet.” Hee. He makes fun of Donny for his sister’s fainting spell and that he’s still called “Donny” at his age. Adam tastes Sensei Ping and determines that he didn’t apply spray tan. (That sounded way weirder than it actually was.--Myndi) Adam makes fun of Ashley’s name and mocks Tom DeLay for being white. It’s actually kind of funny, so they’re doing all right with the filler this season. My favorite bizarre bit is Adam throwing a box full of unbreakable combs. That’s not even really a joke, but it made me laugh anyway.

For tonight’s “Stars of Dance” performance, it’s the Broadway cast of The Lion King. I know they’ve been doing this for 12 years or so, but some of those costumes are really cool. It’s a fun performance, even if the baby Simba puppet freaks me the hell out. That thing ain’t right. (I loved every second, as did the kids!  Still so impressive.--Myndi)

Time to save some more couples. Melissa Joan Hart and Mark are safe, as are Joanna Krupa and Derek. Joanna has already lasted longer than she did on Superstars. Debi Mazar and Maks are also safe, and I’d already forgotten she was on the show. That leaves Macy Gray, Kathy Ireland, and Kelly Osbourne. I’d say Kelly’s pretty much a lock to move on at this point, though.

Tom introduces the tribute to Patrick Swayze, and we see a little shot of Swayze hanging out with John O’Hurley back in Season One. Various pairs of pros re-enact some of his famous dance scenes, while Jonathan and Anna perform a dance based on Ghost. In a way, it’s cool to be reminded of how iconic some of the Dirty Dancing performances are, that you can take them out of context and still have some of those moves be instantly recognizable. Still, there’s a part of me that wishes they’d have ponied up the cash to just show the actual clips as the tribute. Either way, it’s hard to argue the emotion involved, and I’m a little choked up here. (That stuff is such a part of my youth, it's insane.  And he was such a great guy.  A terrible loss.--Myndi) Even though they didn’t perform anything based on Road House, which is a darn shame. After all, pain don’t hurt.

All right, time to stare elimination in the face. Tom chats with the judges, and Len compares the dancers to flowers in an extended gardening metaphor. Tom drags it out, but Kelly and Louis are safe. Try to contain your surprise. And the second elimination of the season is Macy Gray. It’s hard to feel too sad for her, since I’m not convinced she knew she was actually on the show last night anyway.

And that’s it for our first week of the new season. Join us next week when a slightly less insane number of couples live to dance again!