Previously on Dancing with the Stars: There was weeping and gnashing of teeth, as Anna Trebunskaya was sent home for the season. Oh, and also her partner, whatsisname. The ladies dominated the week, Aaron Carter managed to not cry on camera, and we were introduced to the new Bachelor, who I’ve already forgotten.

Hey, Tom Bergeron! Viviparous animals give birth to what kind of young? Oh yeah, LIIIIIIVVVVVE!!!!! In the opening, Tom alludes to some problems with the flu, because everybody in America seems to have it right now and that includes both dancers and stars. And holy crap, Samantha Harris’ hair is HUGE! I don’t know what happened, but I’m scared.

It’s Latin Night, with everybody performing either the Paso Doble or the Argentine Tango. Yay! It’s also group dance night, which I always love. Also, Derek Hough is out with the flu, so Joanna Krupa will be dancing with Maks. Oh, Tom is so getting his butt smacked tonight.

All right, time for the dancers, in order of score. Ready?

Previously on Dancing with the Stars: Debi Mazar was eliminated, because America couldn’t remember that she was on the show. Tom DeLay left for medical issues, and also because the universe was being merciful. Now we’re in a position where the lowest scoring dancers are genuinely fun to have on the show, so the next elimination could hurt. (And also, there's Aaron.--Myndi)

Tom Bergeron points out that the ladies scored a lot better than the men last night. He doesn’t mention that the four new dances felt too gimmicky. But, you know, they’d probably frown on that. Hey Tom Bergeron! Did you see that Tom Waits’ “Glitter and Doom” is coming out next month? Is that a studio album? Oh, my mistake, it’s LIIIIIIIVVVVE!

Samantha is wearing a pretty red dress tonight. I wish I had more to say about that. She should wear hilarious outfits more frequently, as it’s easier to talk about those. Tom recaps last night’s dances, but Myndi already did that for us.

Previously on Dancing with the Stars: Kathy Ireland turned out not to be particularly good or particularly crazy, which led to her elimination and a whole bunch of unused Alien from L.A. jokes. Aaron Carter, Mya, and Donny Osmond led the pack while Tom DeLay ended up sucking hind teat. Also, there were Muppets, which caused a total freakout around here.

Hey Tom Bergeron! Is it Memorex or is it that other thing? Oh yeah, LIIIIIIIIVVVVE!!!

And for those keeping track, Samantha Harris’ dress is very pretty tonight, but it’s spoiled by the Mr. T necklaces adorning her neck. Because I’m sure she cares about my fashion input. (Well, I do, and she should.--Myndi)

It’s Latin Night, with everybody doing either the Samba or the Rumba, which means hip action. Len is back from his mysterious absence, which means less poorly-worded gushing. Samantha tells us that Tom DeLay’s pre-stress fracture has developed into a stress fracture, so it’s “touch and go” as to whether he can dance tonight. Whether he dances or not, Cheryl’s looking totally hot in a sparkly flag-themed dress. It’s like if Captain America were a lady with a rockin’ body.