spunkybean - What a Week It's Bean! (May 23-29)

THE HANGOVER - Zach Galifianakis and his tremendous facial hair lead the box office for the second week in a row.

Mustache Rides

The Annals of Facial Hair on the 'bean

What a Week It's Bean! (May 23-29)

Written by spunkybean staff

Friday, 29 May 2009 14:00

Wow, it sure has been a week, right? I mean, a really long week. It just seems like the weeks get really long this time of year. What's that? It's actually been seven weeks since our last installment? Huh. Are you sure? Yes? We're ashamed of ourselves. (Don't look at us! We're hideous!)

Let's get back on schedule with a look at the week that was, plus some old bits from when we first started falling behind. We don't like to throw anything out.

For the record, we officially do not care about anything related to Jon and Kate Plus 8. Please, don't even bring it up, because we will end up staring into space and thinking about 30 Rock while you go on and on. (ej)

Ashton Kutcher won a race with CNN to be the first Twitter user with one million followers. Yes, that's right, there are apparently one million people interested in Ashton Kutcher. You guys, I think it's 1998! (ej)

Freddie Prinze Jr. has joined the cast for Season 8 of 24. True fact: Prinze's last job was as a writer on WWE Raw. Just try and find something to do with that knowledge. (ej)

Hey, did you hear there's an ugly woman who's good at singing? This is big news, because we all know that the unattractive exist solely as pack animals to make the lives of the beautiful slightly easier. What are we to do now that one of the slave class has risen above her station? UPDATE: Apparently, she also swears at reporters. More as it develops. (ej)

Early Show and Big Brother host Julie Chen is pregnant! That's right, it's the Chenbot 2.0! We are

unreasonably excited to watch her slowly expand over the course of this summer's season of Big Brother, and eagerly hope for at least one complete meltdown during an elimination episode. (ej)

Stevie Nicks had a few choice things to say about modern society this past week: "I believe that computers have taken over the world. I believe that they have in many ways ruined our children. I believe that kids used to love to go out and play. I believe that social graces are gone because manners are gone because all people do is sit around and text. I think it's obnoxious." As soon as she said it, folks everywhere said, "Man! She's so right! I have to post this on my blog!" (cp)

Seann William Scott and Adam Brody have joined the cast for Kevin Smith's next film A Couple of Dicks. Scott plays a burglar who takes a dump during every job, which the sharp-eyed will remember as a one-scene joke in Season Two of The Sopranos. So not only is Smith running a joke into the ground, it's not even his joke. And people say he's out of material.... (ej)

Whoa! A new Harry Potter trailer that caused geeks across the globe to have orgasms this past week. As some of those were inaugural orgasms, a hearty CONGRATS is in order! (cp)

People magazine has reported that Lindsay Lohan has reached out to the director of the Las Vegas revue called "Peepshow" which is currently running at the Planet Hollywood Hotel and Casino. According to the Planet Hollywood website, "Peepshow" is a "sophisticated, ultra-hot show." So, not quite sure what Lohan's thinking trying to jump on that wagon. Best of luck, Lindsay! (cp)

Shaun of the Dead creator Simon Pegg has cast his next film. The sci-fi comedy Paul will star Pegg,

Jane Lynch, Kristen Wiig, Bill Hader, and Jason Bateman. All of these people are awesome, of course, but Bateman and Lynch are also Arrested Development alumni, making this an Arrested Development Report!

That's the Arrested Development Report. Coming back after a long break since 2008! (ej)

Jessica Biel stated this week that she is "too pretty" to get good roles in Hollywood. This writer would gladly offer her nose-breaking services, if Biel thinks that would help. (cp)

The rights holders of Buffy the Vampire Slayer are considering a big screen update without the involvement of Buffy creator Joss Whedon. Fans are outraged at this prospect, and Hollywood would be wise to listen. After all, the assembled might of the Whedon fanbase made Serenity 2005's, uh, 100th highest grossing film. Really? Less than Rumor Has It, Paris Hilton's House of Wax, and The Island? Never mind. Carry on, Hollywood. (ej)

Pulled directly from MSNBC.com: "Mary Kay Letourneau and her former sixth-grade student — the father of her two youngest children — are hosting a "Hot for Teacher" night at a Seattle nightclub." That joke literally wrote itself. (cp)

Finally, we shouldn't find this as funny as we do, but please enjoy the Heroes remix of "Jizz in My Pants".