Let me start by apologizing to the dozens of readers (and also the the Glow People on planet Hangmar 11) who've I've abandoned these last 4 shows. I'm lucky to have even one reader, but over the past three seasons I've picked up a few more than that, and unfortunately a series of DVR issues, non-spunky work-related commitments, and last night a laptop virus attack, caused me to miss a few things.
Wait, wait! Don't go anywhere. I've still watched every single minute and still have a few things to say. And the good part is there'll be more "good stuff" and less "hey, that guy was fat and sang off-key while wearing a gargoyle costume" (but did you see that guy?).
Eight audition shows, most of them at the perfect 60-minutes length, are behind us. And we are moving onto Hollywood and ...bring ...on ...Ellen. Here she comes ...the stammering, clever, wise-cracking, mega-Idol fan brought on-board to jumpstart this little-show-that-could and take it from a public access cult hit to the big stage. Do you sense my sarcasm?
Don't get me wrong, I love Ellen. But critics have a point (I'm not a critic ...because critics "criticize things" and because I "love" American Idol, I consider myself more a "lovic."). By Season 1 through Season 6 standards, Season 7 and 8 showed some decline in ratings, but even the ratings erosion still left American Idol with unprecedented viewership levels. And who knows if introducing Ellen came before they officially lost Paula, and if behind the scenes they knew they were going to lose Simon Cowell, but whatever the timeline of events, we'll have four judges choosing from the hundreds of Polaroid photos next week, and one of those judges will be a comedian - and not someone from the music industry.
Maybe you've heard - Hollywood week actually started filming last week, and it appears it's off to a rocky start. It seems Ellen hasn't been well received by Simon because he believes she "hasn't paid her dues." In the music biz, that is. And it's a fair arguement, but ...PUH-leeeeaaaz! It ain't as if Randy or Paula brought some heir of credibility to the show because of their legendary reputation as music industry Titans. Those two aren't exactly Timbaland and Carole King. He's the bass player from Journey (but only Journey in the later years) and she was sort of the mid-80s equivalent of Britney Spears - catchy songs, great body, slept-with famous Brat Packers. And what do critics of American Idol say about Randy and Paula? They provide nothing. Probably why they brought in Kara DioGuardi last season. I bet Kara is really hilarious at recording industry functions, and she's strong and bold behind closed doors when record executives are deciding whether their new "hot young thing" should be a naughty, brooding brunette slut, or a stunner packaged as a County Fair blonde-haired, blue-eyed beauty queen (I'm referring to Kelly Clarkson v. Carrie Underwood, in case you weren't catching on). Point is, while Kara might wow 'em off screen with all her #1 hit song writing and pointed, sharp commentary, whatever she's got hasn't translated on-screen.
Who was the best guest judge during these auditions? Doogie Howser, that's who. And why? Because he knows about "entertainment", and at the end of the day, that's all this really is.
I can't make any guarantees about Ellen but she's an upgrade from Kara, and she'll be better than Paula, she'll still have the heart and soft edges, but she won't be accidentally funny. And besides ...just watch her quick recap of her first few long days and nights on Idol.
I hope the hoopla over Simon v. Ellen is overblown ...I hate to see my kids fight.
This also leads to another point. Simon is going. And at least a few sources say it's because Fox invited Ellen into the mix. And, as I mentioned, Simon is quoted by unnamed sources as saying he's miffed because she's not from the music industry. Again, fair point. Yet some other sites suggest that Simon didn't mind sharing his very bright, large spotlight with Ryan Seacrest, but to bring in another entertainment entity the size of Ellen is not something he really wants to do. Don't pretend or ask, "is she really that big?" Yes ...you don't host The Emmy's and The Academy Awards if you're some B-lister. To that point, despite his mega-bazillions of dollars, Simon could never and would never host The Oscars. With Ellen in the fold, American Idol has some bonafied modern mega media moguls walking around the studio in Ryan, Simon, and Ellen. Still, it seems like his $150million dollar (or is it $400-million?) annual salary might make him ignore the battle for fame. No, instead I believe the story that he just wants to Executive Produce X-Factor, his new show set to premier sometime in late 2010 or early 2011.
Another question to ponder ...does American Idol need to replace Simon? And if they did, wouldn't Neil Patrick Harris (aka Doogie Howser) be a great choice?
Youth Movement
In the recap I actually did write (and don't fret, it ain't like I've missed any shows), I noticed a definite youth movement - and last night Ryan confirmed that the audition rounds sent more 16-19 year olds to Hollywood than they've ever had. No way this is a coincidence. This is a conscious effort to engineer the final results by paying closer attention to the initial stages. If you never send Taylor Hicks or Clay Aiken to Hollywood, you don't run the risk of crowning an Idol who can't hack it in-studio on Radio Disney or accept a Surf Board on the Teen Choice Awards. If you only send accessible teens and early-20-somethings, you just might have a shot at marketing and making millions off your American Idol winner. Some Names to Watch
For the most part, these audition weeks follow a very easy formula. I watch, make some notes, and then compare everyone to a thing-that-makes horrendous noises or to other singers and try and determine where I see them in the pop landscape. And when I put it like that, it seems a little over reaching and ambitious. That said, over the next few days and leading up to Hollywood week, I'm going to look back over my notes and archive footage and come up with a pretty good list of "names and faces to watch."
For starters:
Mark Labriola: Auditioned with something by Squeeze, which was good for the simple fact it was a different choice for an audition song. He was taken away from his Dad when he was four and his mother kept him hidden and running for 6 years. Simon couldn't grasp that.
Kimberly Kerbow (very attractive brunette, might've been wearing a wig): single mom (I guess single mom's can be bombshells ...what do they call really attractive moms? ...they need a word for sexy attractive moms).
Dannell Hayes: Auditioned with Melissa Ethridge's "I'm the Only One." She's a struggling karaoke singer who "sounds like" Melissa Ethridge. She's someone we can all root for, and she's really pretty, and she has the ingredients to be a pop star, but I'll need to see her do more than sound alike.
Casey James: Survived some sort of accident. He sang some Country but mostly got through because he took his shirt off and put his hair down and made Kara hot and bothered.
Tori Kelly (16): Auditioned with John Mayer's "Gravity." Brought her 8 year old friend, Hope Star, who drew pictures. Vicotoria Beckham passed her through because she was pretty.
Nicci Nix: Squeaky speaking voice, great singing voice. Flew from Florence, Italy. 14 hour flight. Victoria Beckham thought she had great skin.
Haeley Vaughn (16): Wants to be a Black Country singer, and Simon liked her for being different.
Over the next few days, with help from you and my fellow spunkybuddies and spunky HQ, I'll assign nicknames, shticks, names, and hopefully pictures of the people we'll see in Hollywood. Keep checkin' back. It's going to be a great season, this I can guarantee.
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