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Swingtown Finale: Take it to the Limit (Sep 12)

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Written by Myndi Weinraub

Friday, 12 September 2008 11:00

Here it is. The final episode of a show I expected to mock endlessly and grew to love instead. Thanks for running the entire season, CBS. If there's any way you can keep it going (hell, move it to Showtime, just don't cancel it!) I'll be overjoyed. I have no expectations, but hope springs eternal until I get that official cancellation notice. You know what's funny? This episode is set on Labor Day weekend. That means all of the monumental events in these couples' lives that happened in thirteen episodes were over a two month span, which is equivalent to about three seasons of Lost. I apologize ahead of time for the length of this recap, but the producers were clearly trying to pack a lot into this hour.

Tom, looking dapper in his cabana wear, gold chain and copious amounts of chest hair, is flirting with a lobster, as you do. Or, at least, as Tom does. Trina teases him about it and the door opens to show some delivery guys bringing in crates of clams. When Tom pries off the lid and Trina gets a whiff, she can barely keep from projectile vomiting. Damn; I've been been there, and it sucks. Tom wonders when she got so squeamish, but he's too preoccupied with his party prep to see the writing on the wall. She excuses herself to go toss her cookies.

Meanwhile, across the street, Susan is taking the winter clothes out of mothballs, which Bruce thinks is premature. Susan says, "one day it's warm and sunny, next thing you know you're freezing to death." She walks away from him, icily asking when he got home last night. When he asks for a ride to the train station, she tosses him the keys and reminds him not to forget his briefcase. Yeah, that just happened. Damn, Susan is pissed! Then she shoots daggers at him with her eyes and stomps off. Bruce is flabbergasted.

This segues to Janet typing up a response to a "Dear Trudy" letter while on the phone with Henry. Her reply is, of course, pretty cut and dried regarding someone's philandering spouse. Roger comes in and can't believe she's on the same phone call as before he went in the shower. She hangs up and tells Roger he has nothing to be jealous of there. Roger says he's not, mostly because he probably doesn't care at this point. He finally tells Janet about getting the job and she's really proud of him. Then he drops the bomb about Cincinnati and her face falls.

Bruce and Melinda are sitting at the bar, where he downs some vile looking concoction called a Prairie Oyster to help with his hangover. Melinda asks how it went with Susan and Bruce says she was asleep, or pretending to be, when he got home. He acknowledges his horrible lie, and says Susan's not stupid. Melinda says it was nice "just talking" but says they should find a more private place next time, and caresses his hand. He says they better get to work, and they head out.

Henry greets Janet as she arrives at the paper, and says the Life & Style editor wants to meet with her about the writing sample he submitted on her behalf. Janet's still digesting what Roger told her, and keeps it to herself. Later, she returns, and bums out poor Henry by saying she was offered the column, but turned it down. She and her neckerchief go about their day.

Over at his apartment, Doug and Lori are mulling over what classes she should take at school, none of which she really needs to graduate and go to Northwestern. Show off. Doug's friend Liz knocks on the door and comes in to tell them about an earthquake in Guatemala. Evidently, Doug's grad school roomie, Dave, is there with the Peace Corps. 20,000 are dead and no one's heard from Dave yet. Hmmm, odd that this would just be hitting the news, since it happened on February 4, 1976, but no matter. At least it's a real event, I guess.

Over at the Millers, Trina is cutting lemons and Tom is explaining the Decker family tradition of clambakes to Susan. Turns out Dad was a pilot as well, and held the party every year. Yes, but did he have the killer 'stache? After he leaves to go dig a fire pit at the beach, Trina asks how it went with Roger, who Susan says she'll never see again, especially since he's moving to Cincinnati. Then, she fills Trina in on the Bruce and Melinda situation. Trina asks if she's confronted Bruce. When she says no, Trina suggests it's better to deal with this type of thing sooner than later. Susan looks introspective.

As BJ, Rick, Sam and Lisa look through her junk-filled garage for her suitcases, her mom and Aunt Maggie (Lisa's mother) pull up. There is a ridiculous amount of feathered hair in this scene. Seems Gayle will be going to a place called "Serenity Shores" for six weeks, and that Maggie spent some time there herself. Gayle screams " I hate you Maggie!" and storms inside like a petulant child. Poor, damaged Sam follows her, as does Maggie. Lisa just looks tired of this crap.

Susan's taken the train into the city, expecting to find Bruce at the bar. She only finds Melinda, and once they're settled with drinks they won't touch, she asks Melinda if she's having an affair with her husband, and if she's using him to get ahead. Melinda says they haven't slept together (she leaves out the "yet"), but that she and Bruce are a lot alike, and that they have a "connection". Oh, no, don't go all Bachelor on me! Susan asks if Melinda loves Bruce. She says no, and I believe her. Susan chides her for getting involved, to what ever degree she is, with a married man. Melinda keeps her cool and says Bruce told her that Susan doesn't "get him" lately. Susan is more confused and frustrated then ever, but keeps it together and leaves Melinda to stew.

Back to the intervention of a tertiary character. Maggie spies Gayle's stash, and Gayle scrambles for it. Of course, she ends up in a heap on the floor by the mirror, so Maggie can tell her to "look at herself" and ask her if she wants Samantha to end up like this. This scene only exists so that we can see Sam and BJ sitting on the roof, listening. He grabs her hand.

Roger is sitting outside the train station with a newspaper, waiting for Janet. He gets Susan coming out of the terminal instead. Seems Janet has already left work for the day, but didn't get in touch, so he figured he'd come to meet her. He tells Susan he accepted job and that Janet didn't take the news well. Susan asks if they'll make it to the party tomorrow. Roger says they'll try , but he's off to Cincy tomorrow to go house hunting. Susan tells Roger she's proud of him and gives him a warm hug.

So where is Janet? Knocking at Trina's door and apologizing for showing up unannounced, again. Ha. She has a gift for Trina, which we see is a copy of Dr. Spock that she presents to her as they share a lemonade. She says normally she'd just "march right over" and play baby nurse when the baby arrives, but it seems she won't be around nine months from now. Janet really does not want to move, saying her entire life is in Chicago. "What am I gonna do?" she asks Trina with a hitch in her throat. Trina reminds her that it's 1976, not 1954, and that "Father doesn't always know best." Janet should have a say. Of course, Rick has no say, and it'd surprise the hell out of me if they even remembered to take him with them at this point.

Doug and Lori have headed to the Millers for use of the TV, which you'll recall Doug doesn't have, searching for news of the earthquake. Lori's on the phone with a newspaper, and Doug's flipping the channels, angry that all he can find are game shows. Hey, pal, there is nothing wrong with Joker's Wild. Don't be such a snob. In the midst of this, BJ walks in, and spies the lobsters, still in their crates. He's apparently never been to a seafood restaurant of any kind, as he seems surprised when Lori explains they're going to be cooked and eaten. Hmm, maybe BJ will go on to found PETA or something.

Frustrated, Doug excuses himself to "do something", just as Susan enters. He asks Lori to hang back and wait for the news. I hope Match Game '76 is on first! She's sad about the whole thing, and hugs her mom. Bruce wanders in, ranting about the traffic, and seems confused by said hug. Both he and Lori start to indicate they'll be skipping dinner, and Susan forbids it. Yes, those Miller family meals always go well. She doesn't make eye contact with her husband as he tries to kiss her cheek. Brrrr.

The phone rings, and it's Roger. Seems Janet's still not home and he's worried. He hangs up with a "never mind, she's here." as Janet appears in the doorway. Susan just stares at the phone. At the Thompsons, Janet tells Roger she doesn't want to move: her friends are her, her job is here. Roger calls it "just a temp job" and Janet bristles, saying she was offered a column. Roger must have listened to some Village People, because he's acting very macho when he says, "You may be the heart of this family, but I am the head, and if say we're moving to Cincinnati, we're moving to Cincinnati." He storms out. At least Janet will get to experience Skyline chili!

Bruce and Susan arrive at the beach, and it turns out this is a key party as well. They beg off that part. Tom is confused, but Trina is way more understanding.

Lori shows up at Doug's, and it turns out Dave is OK, but Doug's going to head to Guatemala to help with the clean up. Of course, idealistic young Lori wants to go, figuring her parents would understand that she just had to help out in such a humanitarian crisis, even if it meant not graduating high school. Doug says she has to talk to her folks. As she sets off, Doug says "I Love you." Lori brightens and says, "I love you too". I'm pretty sure Doug also just said "Goodbye".

At the clambake, Susan tells Trina she talked to Melinda, not Bruce. Trina is impressed. As they watch their hubbies frolic. Trina says that Susan was right when she said Tom was just a big kid. She says "children shouldn't raise children" and it only takes a second for Susan to figure out Trina's preggers. Trina says she's not keeping it, because it wouldn't be fair to the baby, and that Tom doesn't know. "My body, my decision." Susan handles this well, but asks Trina whatever happened to openness and honesty in marriage, virtues she's been espousing all summer? As Trina mulls this over, Janet and Roget arrive. They are not in swimwear, but are carrying a Rosy Perfection salad (I found the recipe, and it sounds gross.)

Janet tells Susan what's going on, and assumes Trina told her the news. She's wrong, of course, but at least Susan didn't have to pretend too much this time. Janet is near tears, saying she "Always assumed we'd grow old together." Susan says "you will" figuring Janet means she and Roger. Apparently, she meant the two of them. Aw. As she hugs Susan, she tells her that she doesn't know if she can go with Roger if he moves. Man, Susan is screwed, and not in the fun way, huh? Roger and Susan make eye contact and it's sad. How can I want all of these people to be happy, knowing that it's not actually possible, given the circumstances? Good writing and acting, I guess.

Rick and BJ are hanging out with he lobsters BJ has rescued when Sam and Lisa show up at the window. Lisa offers to let Rick "french (her) goodbye", and he jumps up and out the window. I guess he likes girls, at least for now. Sam looks at the lobsters and says BJ can't save everything. He still wants to try. Sam's emotional, and gives BJ her dad's ring. He makes her promise to come back for it. She kisses him. All in all, a good scene.

Tom is starting the, um, key ceremony? Is that what you'd call it? Well, the women are selecting the men's car keys from a fish bowl and going home with them. Ah, a simpler time. Bruce attempts to clasp Susan's hand, and she yanks it away and stomps off down to beach. He follows. She confronts him about Melinda, he pulls the whole, "but we just talked" card, and it turns out Susan's just way more pissed at the fact that he lied than anything else. Bruce accuses Susan of starting this all by "opening the door to our bedroom". She fires back about him wanting the new house, new job and all the material things that come along. He says she wanted it to, which she denies. When Bruce goes on to say "You're no Janet, and I'm certainly no Roger", two of the people Susan adores the most for totally different reasons, she's done. She marches up to the bowl, grabs a set of keys and leaves with "Tim". Bruce looks exhausted.

Janet is pondering a map of the greater Cincinnati area when Henry rings her doorbell. He's bearing a newspaper and bottle of the bubbly. He tells Janet he resubmitted her stuff and the new column "Dear Janet" will debut in the morning. She's surprised, but pleased. He says she should celebrate with her husband, but Janet says he's in Cincinnati, leaving out why he's there. She invites Henry to stay, but he has a date. "Jenny from Accounting?" asks Janet. "Mark from Shipping" answers Henry. Janet is flustered at this and looks down, but pulls it together quickly and says, "Good for you." My, how she's grown!

At the bonfire of loose morals, Trina's cockblocking little Tommy. He's disappointed that she's messing with tradition, but she finally tells him she's pregnant. He looks stunned, but not angry or flippant in any way. Grant Show really rocks the whole scene. Trina says something inside her feels different "this time" and she thought he should know. Tom says maybe they can just think about it, not make any decisions right now. Trina is clearly thrilled, even if she herself is still a bit unsure about what a baby would mean. He says one thing is certain, "I have never loved you more than I do right now, in this moment. That has to count for something."

Back at the Millers, Susan's staring off into space, and it's pretty clear poor Tim got nothin'. Lori is apparently planning on going to South America without telling anyone, and is surprised Susan's home. She tells her mother about Doug, his friend and the poor people of Guatemala. It's hard to tell if Susan thinks Lori is running away with Doug or not, but maybe she's just too preoccupied to care much, which is not good. She tells her not to be gone too long, and Lori kisses her mom and says she'll "be back before you know it." After Lori leaves, the phone rings, and there's no voice on the other end at first. Susan senses that it's Roger, who knows he shouldn't be calling, but couldn't help it. he couldn't get on the plane. He's at the hotel by the airport. Might there be more than one of those in Chicago? Just sayin'. He asks her to meet him.

In our final visit with BJ and Rick, they're on the roof trying to maintain CB contact with Sam. As she fades away, BJ and Rick notice Gayle's definition of "six weeks" is actually more akin to "six hours" because she's back from rehab and coke whorin' it up with two guys. Rick tells BJ he's sorry. Another Thompson who's grown emotionally this summer!

Lori arrives at Doug's only to find Liz, who's bearing a letter. She says Doug's gone, but was "pretty ripped up before he left." Well, good for him for stepping out of the love haze long enough to realize taking Lori to South America would have not only been a bad idea, but likely resulted in criminal charges. He left her a letter telling her that he loves her, but not to rush this last year of school and living at home. He left her the keys to the apartment, saying she already has the "keys to (his) heart". She just curls up on the bed and cries.

Janet is pressing her first column into her scrapbook and finally takes a swig of champagne, indicating perhaps the start of a new life? We may never know. Tom is asleep on Trina's belly as she flips through Dr. Spock. Who'd have guessed the swingers might end up with the happiest ending? OK, probably everyone, but it's still sweet. Bruce arrives at the Only Bar In Chicago, and finds Melinda there with girlfriends. She spots him and makes a beeline. He looks like hell, but he kisses her and she responds. She gets him, you know.

The last scene shows Roger lying on his back in a hotel room, and he sits up when he hears a knock on the door. Of course, it's Susan, all dolled up and doe-eyed. She slowly enters the room and we are left to wonder how this all wraps up wiht the two of them simply facing each other before we fade to black.

Well, it was a great show, and I'm guessing we're going to have to resort to some fanfic to satisfy our collective curiosity on how things went. I'll be so happy if I'm wrong, but in the meantime, I'm already thinking of a story where Trina and Janet work on potty training a small child with a gold chain and mutton chops. Thanks for reading!

Oh, and here's an online petition to save the show. Sign it--for me! http://www.petitiononline.com/stcbs/petition.html

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