TV's 100 Greatest Characters - 81-90
Commentary - Featured
Written by spunkybean staff   
Friday, 26 June 2009 14:00
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It's Friday, so once again it's time to look at TV's Greatest Characters.  Remember, we only have two qualifications - they have to be on a current (or recently completed) series, and they have to be awesome.  Check out our first installment here, and then come back immediately to see today's list.
The spunkybean 100: 81-90
90.  Dr. Mrs. The Monarch (Doc Hammer – The Venture Bros.)
“Honey, you do some pretty strange things when you date super villains.”
FROM THE OFFICE OF SECRET INTELLIGENCE DOSSIER
Real Name:  Sheila (last name unknown)
Aliases:  Dr. Girlfriend, Queen Etheria, Lady au pair
Group Affiliations:  The Guild of Calamitous Intent, The Fluttering Horde, former Number 2 for the Phantom Limb and Truckules
Distinguishing Characteristics:  Deep, manly voice – possibly the result of heavy smoking
Skills:  Expert in hand-to-hand combat, the most sought-after Number Two in the villain community.
Notes:  Inexplicably devoted to her new husband, the Monarch.  The only competent person in the Monarch’s organization.  Claims not to know who Jacqueline Onassis is, despite her own fondness for pillbox hats.  Enjoys Memoirs of a Geisha, both the book and movie.  Usually protected by two murderous dwarves who may be sexually obsessed with her.  Approach with caution. (ej)
 
89.  Noah Bennet (Jack Coleman – Heroes)
“The good news is you’ve certainly got the strength.  The bad news is you’re clumsy, slow, and obvious.”
The only person without powers to be in the lead cast of Heroes since the very beginning, the man with the glasses is the heart of the show.  A good man who is forced by circumstances to do bad things, Bennet is always protecting his family, first and foremost.  And if that protection drives him farther from them, he’s willing to accept those consequences.  He’s a devoted father and the kind of badass who regularly tries to take down the powerful Sylar all by himself.  Even when Heroes starts to go off the rails, Bennet grounds it and gives you somebody to root for. (ej)
 
88.  Xander Crews (Adam Reed – Frisky Dingo)
“Vera Drake.  It’s… for an abortion movie?  Pretty funny.”
Some know Xander Crews as the billionaire playboy being Crews Industries.  Some, mostly hookers, know him as the superhero Awesome-X.  And some know him as the Republican candidate for President.  Sadly, the Xander Crews / Fred Dryer ticket came to a dramatic end when Crews’ opponent hit him in the face with a baby penguin and broke his neck.  Of course, he hasn’t let partial paralysis stop him, as he was last seen boarding the spaceship that killed the monstrous ant-baby that menaced… town.  Xander spent most of the first season of Frisky Dingo either clad only in robot pants or completely naked.  (Though he can fill most of a tall boy if need be.)  Xander’s had his ups and downs, from billionaire superhero to homeless guy who cleans out used condoms, but one thing’s for certain:  Train Island is still secure. (ej)
 
87.  Sheila Keefe (Callie Thorne – Rescue Me)
"It's Curious by Britney Spears; it's fancy!"
Sheila Keefe has got to be one of the most unhinged characters on television.  She's basically a 9/11 widow version of a Real Housewife of New Jersey.  We don't know what she was like before her firefighter husband was killed in one of the towers in 2001, but it's safe to assume she was at least a little bit crazy and a lot nuts in the bedroom.  These characteristics were magnified by the tragedy she endured and the resounding impact it's had on her life.  When Rescue Me started, we saw lead character Tommy Gavin wanting to watch over Sheila and her son, Damien, on behalf of his cousin--her dead husband.  In short order, however, their chemistry boiled over and the two started one of the most passionate, stormy relationships on TV.  Sure, Sheila's drugged & raped Tommy, as well as gotten pregnant by him and then miscarried but neglected to tell him, which, let's just say, didn't go over well.  But she also offers him sanctuary when he's returned to drinking and has no qualms about asking him to protect Damien as he follows in his fathers footsteps, willingly exchanging sex for such favors.  And the kicker is that we're pretty sure Tommy (who's a giant mess himself) knows how crazy Sheila is and the sex is just that good.  (mw)
 
86.  Miranda Bailey (Chandra Wilson – Grey’s Anatomy)
"O'Malley, stop looking at my va-jay-jay!”
Back when Grey's Anatomy first hit the airwaves and was a fresh take on the medical soap opera, Dr. Miranda Bailey was one of its best characters.  As the years have passed, and the show has struggled to maintain that initial season's level of quality, Dr. Bailey has become even more of a standout for her singular awesomeness.  She's had a baby, dealt with obnoxious, self-involved interns and residents, considered a peds internship that brought out another facet to her personality, as well as coped with her troubled marriage.  Through it all, Bailey keeps everyone in line with her sharp tongue and mama bear-like way with those she mentors.  Chandra Wilson has always brought an extreme humanity to Bailey, making her feel like the most normal person amongst all the pretty, pretty McDreamys and their ilk.  That's not to say Wilson isn't lovely, she just looks more like the rest of us, all the while possessing the skill to make Miranda Bailey one of the most gifted surgeons on Seattle Grace's staff as well as its most beloved by viewers. (mw)
 
85.  Hank Hill (Mike Judge – King of the Hill)
“Bobby, I want you to do two things I pray you’ll never have to do again.  Tape the Cowboys game and get me an apron.”
Hank Hill is living proof that you don’t have to be flashy to be great.  Husband, father, Presbyterian, assistant manager of Strickland Propane (“Taste the meat, not the heat.”).  Hank Hill is solid and dependable, the kind of guy you’d want on your side in a jam.  Sure, maybe he doesn’t adjust to the changing times with any sort of enthusiasm, but you can always count on him to do the right thing.  Sometimes he’ll surprise you with knowledge you wouldn’t expect him to have, like his unerring perfection at pronouncing ethnic names, or his proficiency at dog dancing.  And as much as he values consistency, Hank will always save the day when his friends or family find a new way to get into trouble.  What we’re trying to say is that we sort of wish Hank Hill were our dad.  (ej)
 
84.  Andy Bernard (Ed Helms – The Office)
“I know a few things about love.  Horrible, terrible, awful, awful things.”
Pretty much if an actor spends even 1-minute on screen on The Daily Show, spunkybean's Don loves him or her.  It was there that Ed Helms got his start as the ultra-clean-cut talking-head newsman who'd do anything for the story  - but wouldn't quite understand the story.  So when Ed Helms turned up on The Office as Andy Bernard in the New Jersey branch of Dunder Mifflin and turned out to be the Ivy League educated who was all sorts of booksmart, but lacking street smarts, we wrote letters to NBC to bring him on full time.  Well ...Don wrote letters ...and staged sit-ins.  His efforts succeeded and Andy Bernard and his self-delusional "cool guy" persona was eventually transferred to the Scranton branch, he brown nosed his way into Michael Scott's heart, Angela's heart (sort of), and ours.  There's no shortage of Office characters who can walk into a scene and make us laugh, but for our money, Andy Bernard takes the cake.  Literally, in one of his best scenes, he did take the cake.  But in this case, we simply mean he can steal a scene and deliver nipple bloodying laughs every week. (dk)
 
83.  Juliet Burke (Elizabeth Mitchell – Lost)
“It’s very stressful being an Other, Jack.”
Remember a couple of years ago when Lost fans were sharply divided as to whether Juliet should be trusted?  After all, she was an Other.  She helped keep Jack locked up in the shark tank, but her kindness to him could have been genuine.  Or she could have been manipulating him.  We really didn’t know back then.  And now, it’s difficult to picture the main cast without her presence.  She’s been an Other, she’s been a Lostaway, and she’s been part of the Dharma Initiative.  She’s been part of the controversial Jack/Kate/Juliet love triangle, and then she found happiness with Sawyer, in a pairing that made the Internet collectively swoon.  Never one to back down from a fight, she tried to save Benry’s life in the past, knowing full well the misery he would grow up to cause.  Heck, she’s actually gotten Sawyer to change his mind more than once, including on the controversial “detonate a hydrogen bomb and hope that it changes the past” ruling.  Last time we saw her, after a heartbreaking struggle, she was pulled down a mineshaft.  While severely injured, she tried to detonate the aforementioned hydrogen bomb with a rock.  We won’t know what happened, or even if Juliet is alive or dead, until next season.  We really hope she’ll be back, but it’s impossible to overstate the sheer awesomeness of that last scene. (ej)
 
82.  Sean Hannity (Hannity formerly Hannity and Colmes)
"Is it that you hate this president or that you hate America?"
"It doesn't say anywhere in the Constitution this idea of the separation of church and state."
Before Stephen Colbert left The Daily Show and launched his own show, I thought Sean Hannity was an obnoxious, idealist who's rhetoric was harmful and, at times, borderline hateful.  Hannity put the arrogance in Fox News.  His ability to turn any topic into a Right-Wing-Conservative-Republican v. Left-Liberal-Democratic debate was off putting.  But, once I realized that Sean Hannity was simply putting on an act, I really fell in love.  Not the "love" that two men aren't allowed to have Hannity's America, but a "love" that television watchers have had for years love-hating the likes of Archie Bunker, Al Bundy, and Mr. Roper.  As I said, when Colbert launched his nightly show basically lampooning Hannity, O'Reilly, and the entire cast of characters over on Fox News ...I "got it."  How could I not have seen it before?  Hannity's nightly portrayal of your "angry Uncle" never disappoints - Al Pacino should bring such realism to the characters he plays.  Like anyone could act like Hannity, for real, in day to day life.  No matter what is happening, good or bad, good ol' Sean Hannity will tell you whom to blame or thank.  Ray Charles didn't win an Oscar, but Jamie Fox did for his portrayal of the great Ray Charles.  Likewise, that angry Republican in your accounting department isn't winning anything ...but Sean Hannity?  If they gave Emmy's to those truly deserving of great character work - he'd have won a few already. (dk)
 
81.  Barb Henrickson (Jeanne Tripplehorn – Big Love)
"I don't want to hurt her feelings, but it's like walking into the Governor's mansion with a sign that says 'Practicing Polygamist'. She'll never listen to it coming from me, she'll think I'm attacking her. I mean, even just offer to do her hair."
Big Love brings viewers into a world very few of us have ever encountered beyond what we've seen on the evening news.  The Henricksons are a family that consists of a husband, his three wives and his eight children.  Bill Henrickson was thrown off a polygamist compound called Juniper Creek outside of Salt Lake City, Utah as a teenager.  He managed to survive this setback, get on his feet, marry the woman he loved--Barb--and open a successful chain of home stores.  Years later, Barb got cancer and Bill "received a testament" that he should live "the principle" and take a second wife.  (Enter Barb's nurse, Nikki.  And later, third wife Margene.)  Barb was sure she was going to die, which she's intimated made her acceptance of Bill's decision easier, but then she got better.  During the course of the show, we've seen many cracks in Barb's calm, collected facade.  She has many times questioned their lifestyle, but ultimately stands by her man.  This doesn't mean she won't stick up for herself, or say what she thinks when threatened.   Last season, Barb was excommunicated from the modern-day Mormon church once her polygamy was found out, and viewers who had grown to love and respect all she has endured for her brood couldn't help but be touched by how difficult this was for the devout wife & mother.  The genius of Big Love is that despite the fact that the polygamist lifestyle is one that's frowned upon by society and hard to fathom for many reasons, characters like Barb Henrickson make the people living in it relatable and sympathetic.
Join us next week when another ten characters make the list... and hisory itself.

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